it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Actions speak louder than pants.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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