dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
