He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In other news, I just burned my penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
