I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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