I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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