having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
