im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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