nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
