ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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