im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Come on in and take your pants off
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