Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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