oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
