and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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