There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
