I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
