This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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