we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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