from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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