So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
