I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
