so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
