Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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