Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Omg I joined a choir last night...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
