Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
