TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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