I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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