I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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