Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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