Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
