at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
