my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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