I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
