Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
