Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
