Just fell off a train. Bad.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
