i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
