I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
