Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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