i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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