3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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