Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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