I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
