escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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