Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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