i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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