he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
