You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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