White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
