Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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