You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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