god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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