im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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