i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
