All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
